Graphic Nerdity

By Patrick Dixon

It’s all Harry’s fault. Well, partially. I suppose Voldemort can be saddled with an equal portion of the blame. The point is, the Dursleys were just minding their own business when a horcrux was dumped on their doorstep. For the next decade it proceeded to warp their minds, turning them from your garden variety insufferable human beings into horrible, heartless monsters. The fact that they survived such prolonged horcrux exposure without delving into insanity or abandoning a helpless child only solidifies their place among the pantheon of noble and virtuous heroes in the Harry Potter universe.

*Mic drop*

*****

*Pics up mic, taps gently*

Feedback on this post has been better than I had hoped, and I want to thank all the people who have purveyed and debated this theory. Some of you love it, some of you hate it, but you’re all talking about it and that’s pretty cool. 

There have been a few complaints, however, that the above description comes across as insensitive, and strongly promotes abuse apologism. I have addressed a few of you personally on the matter, but I feel this is an opportune time to reach out to anyone else who might’ve taken offense to my commentary.

Allow me to state for the record that the above description was intended to be read as satire. I do not honestly believe Harry is responsible for the abuse he suffered, nor do I seriously consider the Dursleys to be noble and virtuous heroes. No child is to blame for any form of abuse they suffer.

It was never my intention to bring emotional distress upon anyone, and I apologize to all who were offended by my comments.

Thank you, and Happy Tumbling. :)